Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Raising the Bar #2

While walking through Demoss Hall yesterday, I overheard a conversation between a guy and his girlfriend. For the sake of this blog, let’s refer to said guy as ‘cowardly man.’

Cowardly Man’s Girlfriend: Why didn’t you hold the door for me?
Cowardly Man: Why would I hold the door open for you when you’re being mean to me?

I walked away before I heard the rest of this conversation; had I lingered, Cowardly Man would have been told this, but I'm glad I didn't speak up because I honestly do not think he could handle the truth that I am about to share. 

Men, more and more this idea of ‘earning love’ and ‘deserving chivalry’ is taking over our nation; I encourage you to guard your heart and mind against it. If the love we offer to our significant other is contingent on whether or not she is kind to us, than WE HAVE COMPLETELY MISSED THE POINT.

Men, one of the things we are telling a woman when we say we love her is, "I promise to do whatever I can do to serve you and be kind to you even when you are, mean to me." For a man to do anything else is cowardly and immature. In fact, it is the opposite of masculinity.

I am appalled and frankly frightened to note that the conversation I overheard yesterday is a conversation I overhear frequently. It strips love of the unconditional quality Jesus demonstrated to us. It robs chivalry of its masculinity, turning it into a reward system for good behavior.
Now, to the woman reading this blog with great zeal, keep reading before you shout an ‘amen.’ Do I think that men’s call to love unconditionally is warrant for women to be shrews? By no means! Men cherish respect and thrive off receiving it from their significant others.

However, I will make the argument that as Christ-like men, we are called to do everything in our power to serve the women in our lives—making them feel cherished whether or not we think they deserve it at the moment. When your girlfriend/wife is being mean to you, the natural response is to be mean back. But that is not what manhood is about! In fact, doing so makes you a child. Christian Men are called to do what’s right in the face of adversity—even when that adversity comes in form of your girlfriend. We are called to take a stand and be different than the rest of this world. This includes the way that we treat the women in our lives.


  1. Could this be an overreaction due to built up animosity towards people who legitimately deserve such stern words? The guy didn't hold the door...The girl was being mean... This screams of speculation. It feels like you're making a mountain out of molehill.

  2. Had I confronted him, and embarrassed that young man in front of his girlfriend, that would have been an over-reaction. Writing about it in this blog however, is not. I will make the assertion though that his reaction is evidence that he does not have what it takes to love that woman the way she deserves. Not only did he not hold the door open for her, but he most likely humiliated her in public by telling her that she was basically unworthy of being served by him loud enough for other people to hear.

  3. Agree with OP. Even if he was teasing, that can be really embarrassing for a girl when other people overhear it. And if it wasn't teasing, public is not the place to hash those kinds of things out. That being said, it probably wasn't even that wise of her to call him out on it in public, either. That usually just results in people getting defensive.

    And yeah, blogs are about opinions and speculation :) The overall issue is a valid one, one that is culturally very deep in our country. Girls should be behaving with grace, and guys should be behaving like gentlemen.

  4. This reminds me of a very important area that my Pastor covered in my premarital counseling with my hubby. In a relationship it is NOT 50/50, but 100/100. That is what Jesus very clearly showed all of us, but def doesn't mean it is easy by far.

    This poor couple sounds like they def have some communication issues on both parts, but I like that you didn't put all the blame on the guy. It is def a joint effort on both parties in order to make a relationship not only work but thrive.

    Interesting blog!

  5. Amazing point Justin. :) - Natalie