Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Raising the Bar # 5: I Love You?

More and more I am finding that couples are telling each other "I love you," before they even know who each other are!!  What's up with that?

When you tell somebody that you love them it emotionally disarms you.  It manipulates your emotions.  It makes you think that you are destined to be with this person, no matter how awful for one another you actually are. It makes you think that this person is the "one," when really your relationship should actually be DONE.

It would be impossible to know somebody well enough to be able to say "I am in love with you," in 3 weeks, probably even 3 months!   I think it is important that men guard the hearts of our sister's in Christ and we help them do this by not manipulating their emotions.  One of the ways men can do that is by NOT jumping the gun on the words "I love you."

One of the things a girl wants more than anything in the world is to be loved, to hear the words, "I love you,"  they will do virtually anything to hear this from a man they care for, and will do anything for a man that they claim to love, including make excuses for him.

One of the dangers that comes from saying "I love you" too soon is that it causes you to make excuses for somebody based on who you thought they were when you said "I love you" for the first time.  The fact of the matter is, this person was probably being on their "best behavior."  The more time you spend with somebody, the more their guard goes down, and the more they begin to behave like their true selves.  It is not uncommon for guys to be great boyfriends in the first few months, but to be incredibly awful, lazy and controlling boyfriends as time goes on.  A lot of immature guys stop trying once they hear a girl say "I love you" for the first time.  When a guy knows a girl loves him, he knows he can get away with almost anything and that she "wont be going anywhere."  This is absolutely inexcusable.

Ladies, don't say I love you too soon.  Make sure he knows that your heart is something that he is going to have to work for, because if you give it to him too soon, he is not going to appreciate it, or cherish it.  Too many girls are giving their hearts away to guys that are pretending to be great guys just to have a girlfriend, and this needs to stop.  You are a prize, you deserve to be cherished, and you deserve to be worked for.  Don't think that if you make a guy work for your heart that you are going to lose him because a good godly man is going to meet the challenge with grace.  The Bible says in Genesis 29:20, that Jacob worked to be Rachel's husband for 7 years, but those 7 years seemed like only a few days.  We know that Jacob eventually worked 14 years for her heart.  These 14 years seemed like nothing to him, because he loved her so much.  When a man is pursuing you from a biblical perspective, as a daughter of God that deserves to be cherished, no matter how long you make him wait to hear those magic words, it should only feel like a "few days." You are worth the effort, you are worth the work.  Don't sell your selves short.